Whirlwind of Change

1 09 2011

It never fails… Just when I think things are calming down, and I’m getting into a routine, something comes along to prove me wrong. I get that becoming comfortable often means becoming complacent. But seriously? Being the planner control freak that I am, I like to know what’s going on, when it’s happening, and what my role is to the letter. Unfortunately, life likes to throw 90 mile an hour curveballs at me on what feels like a daily basis.

I have several big HUGE unknowns in my life right now. I also have several “knowns” that are just out of my control at the moment and are driving me BONKERS! Just when I think I’m going to be able to tackle one of them, something else pops up and smacks me in the face and says, uh uh uh…

To top all of it off, I’m sick, again. I have a horrible flu like cold thing going on and I’m achy, congested and have a massive headache… Fun times!

This week I’m trying to focus all of my energy and control freakish-ness on making good choices, staying positive, and drinking LOTS of water. 🙂


25 08 2011

I can be very good at coming up with goals for myself, but when it comes to sticking with them I find myself lacking. One thing I’ve realized about myself is that while I can be very flexible with others, I am NOT flexible with myself. While I have grace for others, anything but perfection is unacceptable when it comes to me. With this in mind, I’ve been trying to take baby steps towards a more self-loving nature. I’m trying to erase the negative self-talk. I’m working toward setting not just realistic goals, but goals that are achievable and also have some built in flexibility.

When I created my original Goals page, I had very good intentions. The goals were certainly achievable and realistic (lose 10lbs a month, etc). But they weren’t working for me. So I started thinking. What do I want to see in terms of my health and wellness? I want to make exercise a part of my DAILY life; I want to set aside time for meditation/yoga so that I can keep centered and relieve stress; I want to lose weight.

Taking all of those into account I immediately though, “Ok, my goal will be to workout 5 days a week, stick to my WW PP plan, and also fit yoga and/or meditation into at least one day a week.” And then I got discouraged. Yes, my end goal is to have some sort of activity every day, but it’s not exactly realistic to expect myself to go from zero workouts a week to five. Baby steps, right? So here are my goals for the next four weeks (at which time I’ll evaluate how things are going and make changes accordingly):

  1. Stay within my PP range ever week (very reasonable, especially with weekly points and activity points)
  2. A minimum of 30 minutes of cardio 3x/week or more
  3. Blog 3 or more times a week (I snuck this in because blogging helps keep me focused, accountable, and connected)
  4. Yoga and/or meditation at least once a week

These are goals that I can live with. They are challenging, but not intimidating. They are reasonable, achievable, measurable and doable. My intention in these next four weeks is to accomplish each of these each of the four weeks. More than that, my intention is to at least have the intention to meet them. 🙂 If I go over my points one day here or there it does not mean that I scrap that goal. It means that I assess the reasons behind going over and see where I can make changes so that the following day, week, etc I do not have the same trouble. If I only get in two days of cardio and not three it does not mean that I avoid the gym because I failed anyway. It means I need to assess the reason why I missed a day. Was my schedule out of control? Did I overcommit, or was I just feeling lazy? And most important, I need to plan the following week differently so that I can fit in the 3 workouts.

Do you see the trend here? 🙂 The intention is enough. I do not have to be perfect and reach every goal 100% of the time. If I am striving for 100% but fall short for whatever reason, it does not mean I have failed. It simply means that I need to keep pushing forward because I can always do better.

The point is, we are all so hard on ourselves. And while goals are so very important, it is even more important to have meaningful goals that allow you to develop into the person you want to become. Goals are not the end all, be all. We need to love ourselves, wherever we are in that moment. We are good enough today, just as we are.

Depths of Despair?

24 08 2011

The past few weeks have been incredibly difficult for me on several levels. There are a few HUGE things in my life that are out of my control, and don’t seem as though they will be resolved for even a few weeks more, if then. Being the control freak that I am, I could not get past the unknown. I could not honestly say that it would be ok. I could not for the life of me see any sort of positive outcome.

During that time I wasn’t sticking to my WW plan, I was making poor really bad food choices, I wasn’t working out or even walking. I even began to feel physicall ill. I was exhausted, feeling lightheaded, my skin was super dry and I had patches that were really itchy. The stress I was holding onto had begun to eat at me physically.

Sunday I had a mini-meltdown. I was over all of it. I was sick and tired of all the crap and just needed some good news. As Anne Shirley would say, I was “in the depths of despair”! My sweet, amazing man came to my side, rubbed my back, and reminded me that things are good. We are together, we have a home, I have a job. Life could be a lot worse. At that moment, I didn’t really want to hear that… It kind of annoyed me actually. (Sorry John! lol) BUT he was right.

I have an incredible life. I have a great family, a loving partner, a roof over my head, and a job that I love. I am a very lucky girl. Could things be better? Of course! But then again, they could certainly be a LOT worse. 

This week I’ve tried to be intentional in my eating. I’ve noticed (once again) that my body has a really difficult time processing sugar and refined carbs. I’ve changed up a few things and tried to stay away from those things and I’ve noticed a real difference in how I feel. The wooziness and exhaustion are gone. I’m sleeping better, and I’m feeling more rested when I wake up. I’m hopeful that continuing to eat right better as well as getting some exercise in will help to make me feel better physically AND mentally.

Looking Back

17 06 2011

I was going through some old journals and came across an entry from early 2006. It was a list of my goals for the year:

  1. Lose 60 pounds (5 lbs a month)
  2. Stop negative thinking towards myself
  3. Exercise more
  4. Make better food choices

 It struck me how similar my goals today are to those I so wanted to keep five years ago. And then I thought, wow, where would I be today if I had been able to meet those goals? I’ve always doubted myself, been my worst critic, and had unrealistic expectations for myself. In doing so, I’ve only set myself up for failure. Had I given myself some grace, allowed the mistakes, forgiven the bad days rather than beat myself up for them, where would I be today?

Unfortunately, or fortunately, I can’t answer that. But I do know I’ve had similar goals to those for most of my life… lose weight, exercise more, eat better, cut myself some slack.

For some reason, I haven’t been able to get past my perceived failures. I’ve used up every excuse in the book to stay right where I was five years ago. I’ve had some successes along the way, but I usually just end up eating myself right back to where I started.

So what’s different this time? Of the dozens hundreds of times I’ve started a diet and/or exercise routine, why is this go round different? Why is it I feel I will succeed this time when I never have before?

I’m different this time.

There is no failure, there are no excuses. This is not a diet or routine. This is my life. I am not perfect, and I will never be perfect. So, each day, I get up and remind myself of my intention to be healthy. Everytime I face a temptation or desire that is not healthy I do my best to avoid it and find an alternative. I refuse to berate, belittle, beat up myself for being human. Instead, I choose to learn from it, grow from it, and MOVE ON. Easier said than done, but one day at a time and I’m getting there.

The goals are different.

Of course the end result may look the same – drop weight, eat better, exercise more – but the road to get there is so different. The end result is NOT my focus. Weird, I know. My focus is right now, today, this moment doing the best I can to make the healthiest choices. And the biggest and hardest part of that is not allowing my poor choices to dictate future choices. Rather than beating myself up for that bowl of ice cream, or skipping that workout, I try to figure out a way to fight that choice the next time. 

I freeze fat-free, sugar-free yogarts and you know what? They give me the feeling of eating ice cream with about 350 less calories!

When I don’t want to go to the gym, or my schedule gets in the way, I try to do things around the house or use a dvd.


When I get caught up with the number on the scale, the measurement, the end result I lose focus of the process. I lose the reasons behind doing it all in the first place. Do I want to lose weight? Duh! But if I don’t change ME I will never be truly successful. So I focus on creating and maintaining healthy habits. Daily setting my intentions on the steps to get me to a healthier, happier me.