Whirlwind of Change

1 09 2011

It never fails… Just when I think things are calming down, and I’m getting into a routine, something comes along to prove me wrong. I get that becoming comfortable often means becoming complacent. But seriously? Being the planner control freak that I am, I like to know what’s going on, when it’s happening, and what my role is to the letter. Unfortunately, life likes to throw 90 mile an hour curveballs at me on what feels like a daily basis.

I have several big HUGE unknowns in my life right now. I also have several “knowns” that are just out of my control at the moment and are driving me BONKERS! Just when I think I’m going to be able to tackle one of them, something else pops up and smacks me in the face and says, uh uh uh…

To top all of it off, I’m sick, again. I have a horrible flu like cold thing going on and I’m achy, congested and have a massive headache… Fun times!

This week I’m trying to focus all of my energy and control freakish-ness on making good choices, staying positive, and drinking LOTS of water. 🙂


Here we go…

29 08 2011

Last week was a turning point of sorts for me. My attitude and outlook have significantly improved – not just about food and exercise, but life in general. I had to deal with some heavy emotional and mental challenges, and I had to come up with a game plan of sorts. Certainly not an easy task, and I’m far from having all of it settled, but my outlook is better and that’s what is important, in my mind anyway.

So, let’s recap last weeks successes and where there is some room for improvement:

  • I did not track my points consistently each day, however, I am about 98% sure I stayed within my range based on what I did eat and my activity. This week the goal is to TRACK all meals so that I am 100% sure 🙂
  • I worked out for 30 minutes on two different days… almost there! My plan was to do some sort of activity over the weekend and that did not happen… so, this week I’m aiming for M/W/F and if I’m up for it I’m going to try going back to Bickram Yoga on Saturday since they have a $5 community class the 1st Saturday of the month (also, how is it September already?!?)
  • I blogged twice last week and while I had the best intentions of sneaking in that third blog, it just didn’t happen. This week, I’m starting out early with a Monday post and am hoping to crank out AT LEAST two more this week 🙂
  • Yoga/Meditation just didn’t happen… but I did get in an AMAZING nap yesterday. I know, I know… that doesn’t quite count, but it sure felt good!

Of course, as I was typing all of that out, I had the usual negative thought track begin to play in my head. BUT, I stopped it dead in it’s tracks. Did I accomplish each goal 100%. Nope. Am I ok with that? Absolutely! Last week was a better week than I’ve had in a while, and to top it off I’m looking forward to what I’ll be able to accomplish this week. What I am having a hard time with is I have a ton of ideas and things I want to do, but I want to remain consistent  with these goals before adding new ones. I think I’ll just start a list and sprinkle them in here and there as I feel appropriate.

Here’s to a great week!



25 08 2011

I can be very good at coming up with goals for myself, but when it comes to sticking with them I find myself lacking. One thing I’ve realized about myself is that while I can be very flexible with others, I am NOT flexible with myself. While I have grace for others, anything but perfection is unacceptable when it comes to me. With this in mind, I’ve been trying to take baby steps towards a more self-loving nature. I’m trying to erase the negative self-talk. I’m working toward setting not just realistic goals, but goals that are achievable and also have some built in flexibility.

When I created my original Goals page, I had very good intentions. The goals were certainly achievable and realistic (lose 10lbs a month, etc). But they weren’t working for me. So I started thinking. What do I want to see in terms of my health and wellness? I want to make exercise a part of my DAILY life; I want to set aside time for meditation/yoga so that I can keep centered and relieve stress; I want to lose weight.

Taking all of those into account I immediately though, “Ok, my goal will be to workout 5 days a week, stick to my WW PP plan, and also fit yoga and/or meditation into at least one day a week.” And then I got discouraged. Yes, my end goal is to have some sort of activity every day, but it’s not exactly realistic to expect myself to go from zero workouts a week to five. Baby steps, right? So here are my goals for the next four weeks (at which time I’ll evaluate how things are going and make changes accordingly):

  1. Stay within my PP range ever week (very reasonable, especially with weekly points and activity points)
  2. A minimum of 30 minutes of cardio 3x/week or more
  3. Blog 3 or more times a week (I snuck this in because blogging helps keep me focused, accountable, and connected)
  4. Yoga and/or meditation at least once a week

These are goals that I can live with. They are challenging, but not intimidating. They are reasonable, achievable, measurable and doable. My intention in these next four weeks is to accomplish each of these each of the four weeks. More than that, my intention is to at least have the intention to meet them. 🙂 If I go over my points one day here or there it does not mean that I scrap that goal. It means that I assess the reasons behind going over and see where I can make changes so that the following day, week, etc I do not have the same trouble. If I only get in two days of cardio and not three it does not mean that I avoid the gym because I failed anyway. It means I need to assess the reason why I missed a day. Was my schedule out of control? Did I overcommit, or was I just feeling lazy? And most important, I need to plan the following week differently so that I can fit in the 3 workouts.

Do you see the trend here? 🙂 The intention is enough. I do not have to be perfect and reach every goal 100% of the time. If I am striving for 100% but fall short for whatever reason, it does not mean I have failed. It simply means that I need to keep pushing forward because I can always do better.

The point is, we are all so hard on ourselves. And while goals are so very important, it is even more important to have meaningful goals that allow you to develop into the person you want to become. Goals are not the end all, be all. We need to love ourselves, wherever we are in that moment. We are good enough today, just as we are.

Depths of Despair?

24 08 2011

The past few weeks have been incredibly difficult for me on several levels. There are a few HUGE things in my life that are out of my control, and don’t seem as though they will be resolved for even a few weeks more, if then. Being the control freak that I am, I could not get past the unknown. I could not honestly say that it would be ok. I could not for the life of me see any sort of positive outcome.

During that time I wasn’t sticking to my WW plan, I was making poor really bad food choices, I wasn’t working out or even walking. I even began to feel physicall ill. I was exhausted, feeling lightheaded, my skin was super dry and I had patches that were really itchy. The stress I was holding onto had begun to eat at me physically.

Sunday I had a mini-meltdown. I was over all of it. I was sick and tired of all the crap and just needed some good news. As Anne Shirley would say, I was “in the depths of despair”! My sweet, amazing man came to my side, rubbed my back, and reminded me that things are good. We are together, we have a home, I have a job. Life could be a lot worse. At that moment, I didn’t really want to hear that… It kind of annoyed me actually. (Sorry John! lol) BUT he was right.

I have an incredible life. I have a great family, a loving partner, a roof over my head, and a job that I love. I am a very lucky girl. Could things be better? Of course! But then again, they could certainly be a LOT worse. 

This week I’ve tried to be intentional in my eating. I’ve noticed (once again) that my body has a really difficult time processing sugar and refined carbs. I’ve changed up a few things and tried to stay away from those things and I’ve noticed a real difference in how I feel. The wooziness and exhaustion are gone. I’m sleeping better, and I’m feeling more rested when I wake up. I’m hopeful that continuing to eat right better as well as getting some exercise in will help to make me feel better physically AND mentally.

Trying to get my head in the game…

8 08 2011

I’m convinced the key to successful weight loss and maintenance is the mind. You can go through the motions of diet and exercise for a few weeks, or even months, and see some success. But if your mind and thoughts are not lined up with the process, you won’t get far for long. This is where I’m struggling.

I’ve joined Weight Watchers. I have access to a gym as well as home workouts. I have the support of my friends and family. But I can’t seem to get past my own self. I do the things I don’t want to do, and I don’t do what I want to do.

I need to get my mindset in order. I cannot visualize myself succeeding at this, short of drastic measures. I have begun to feel that it’s a lost cause. It will never work, I will never lose the weight, I’m destined to be fat, blah blah blah.

How do I get past this? How do I put aside the negative self talk and begin to truly love myself. How do I figure out the why behind my eating and food addiction so that I CAN be successful?

The reason I haven’t posted in a while is because I’m feeling defeated. I want this blog to encourage and inspire others, but how can I do that if stuck in a rut. So, I figure, I’m probably not alone in feeling this way. I’m getting caught up in the appearance rather than the truth of this journey.

So here it is, all out in the open. I am trying to get past this and back on the road to health and wellness. As I sit here in pants that are too tight (which used to fall of me) I know I can get past this, but I’m just not sure how yet…

Getting back into the swing of things…

27 07 2011

Vacations are a curious thing… you leave behind the daily grind with expectations of relaxation and peace. But the truth of the matter is, it’s simply a different location with a different “grind”. Don’t get me wrong, I had a wonderful week at the beach. It was relaxing, and refreshing, and very needed. But I sometimes wonder if we don’t build it up so much that there is no way it can ever be what we’re expecting.

Sometimes I find this true of diet and exercise as well. You get in your mind a certain number or measurement. You have a date in your mind that determines success or failure. We build it up, and plan and track and do everything we think we should to ensure success. But sometimes, our expectations fall by the wayside as we learn to deal with the different nuances of each day in the life of a health plan.

Sometimes, rather than setting myself up for success, I end up causing my own failures by setting unrealistic expectations on myself and my body. I use other’s interpretations and tools to try to measure my success and it just doesn’t work. I pick a date, a number of pounds or inches to be lost, and I go go go never really analyzing each step of the process to make sure that it’s actually working for me.

I look at BMI calculators, and wonder if I’ll ever be out of the “obese” category. My mom and I have the same height and build. When she weight 175 she was so skinny it was almost too skinny. But when I look at the BMI calculator, 175 leaves me on the wrong side of “obese”. So, do I go by the measurements and say so of others, or do I take it one day at time and find what works for me?

I think that the focus and drive we put into our dieting can be integral to our success. But it can also be detrimental. When we don’t allow any wiggle room, any room for trial and error we are setting ourselves for failure.

Like a vacation, we can plan every minute of each day, but you can’t account for the flight delays, language barriers, and myriad other things that try to remind us that we need to stop and smell the roses.

Having a plan is crucial, but having flexibility is key. I need to learn how to allow for those moments that go outside of my plan. I need to let go of the all or nothing thinking.


19 07 2011



I’m in my happy place 🙂 The beach is my favorite place in the world. My goals for this week of relaxation have been to track everything, eat fruits and veggies and drink plenty of water.

So far I’ve done alright. Splurged here and there but all in all it’s been a good week so far. I’ve also gotten in a lot of activity so that’s good. 🙂

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